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| 7/12/08
I should start blogging again...
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| I wish I didn't erase my past blogs from high school. why did i do that? oh yeah...
At this moment, Im feeling extremely motivated to get better at wacking/punkin. Listening to funky songs, watching funky people on Youtube really motivated me. (if you don't know what this is, go look it up under "wacking" "punking" on youtube) And as stupid as it sounds to some people, after watching youtube, I started to dance in my living room like FULL OUT. No one was watching me. So this is what it really feels like to dance like noone's watching. Wacking gives me the same kind of feeling when i perform on stage, the same kind of rush, the same kind of feeling when i feel truly free from all hardships, when i seriously forget about all the bad things that happened that day, the feeling that brings me back to why i love dancing so much. Wacking gives me the feeling when i first fell in love with life through dancing.
Current song: Canned Heat by Jamiroquai
"youuu know this boogie is for real.."
Ive seriously come a long way with dancing. and thats not to sound like a boastful comment, but im just really reflecting on how much ive learned and expanded. I went to SD last weekend to chill with friends from high school whom i freakin love to death and miss so much. I ran into greg adams at austins party who i haven't seen in forever!... and he was just like "remember what you used to do in high school.." and he continues to talk about my dancing life back in high school to the girl who he was with. and i was seriously like, damn...seriously! im different now. even my taste of music changed. I also thought it was funny when andrew, my boyfriend, put on some house/funk songs so we can get some real dancin in the house, and the girls who wanted to get freaky-freaky was like "omg nooooo TRANCE!!" we just laughed. but then again, i would of said and thought the same way...back in the days. This is all a realization that Life takes you everywhere.
next goal: enter a wackin contest. BBOY HODOWN?!!
On a different note. I haven't been going to church. My faith is definately slipping. I know there's a God and He's doing amazing things in peoples' lives. But im angry at Him. If you will, please pray for me.
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| The Secret. Go read this book.
It has and will change my life forever | | |
| You know, it's one of those days where you just wanna vent. Vent about my life, and later realize how stupid I was. But hopefully, realize how much I've grown since today.
Over the course of 2 days, I've realized things that I didn't really want to admit to myself.
I can say that this year was pretty crappy . It still is. I'm just a sad person. Not forever. But I am. It's because I haven't accomplished anything that I am proud of. I have nothing to be proud of. I've always watched my own boyfriend succeed. I feel like all I've been doing was watching. Watching other people, watching my boyfriend, watching my friends. I'm part of something that I feel like I'm not. I dont feel appreciated. These people think I'm this naive, quiet, happy, push-over. In reality, I'm not naive. I know a lot of the things that go on. I just don't talk off my ass and say some stupid shit that some people do. I also don't talk shit..it's so easy to point out flaws in others. Look at yourself first. Therefore, I'm quiet. I'm not happy. I hate people pushing me over. I hate it when people think I have nothing good to say. I hate it when it people talk over me. I hate feeling like I'm not there, when I am. Hello, I'm here. All this partying is getting old. And I don't even go. I'm proud that I don't do drugs, smoke, or drink (that much). Stop treating me like a little kid. I'm an adult. I'm 20, almost 21. I'm just like you. It's not me you love, it's them. Because you love it so much, I learned to hate it. It's too late now. I want a job. The only people who really respect me and truly accept me, are my parents, my brother, my friends back at home, and my boyfriend. Don't just walk away. Don't just hang up. Were not meant to be alone.
I feel better. Not really. but whatever. I will later.
Feel pretty stupid, but you know what.
I bet you feel the same way | | |
| Learning not to depend on you. and only on God alone.
I was just starting to enjoy being back at home. I don't wanna go back.
God's about to put me back in the battlefield. | | |
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